Katalia (katalia76) wrote,

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Getting it off my chest

I'm supposed to be using this early-morning time to do work that's due tomorrrow, but for the love of God I can't focus until I get this off my chest instead...

I had an audition on Saturday. A pretty big, grown-up audition, meaning that somone high-up on the totem called made a call on my behalf and got me seen. It involved singing and acting for a show I love. If I get it, it means a Broadway run or a national tour, and an Equity card. I went in, did my best--of course there are things I wish I could have done better--but the great thing was, I had FUN, and I haven't been able to say that about any audition I've gone on.

That was Saturday. Yesterday was Monday. Tried to not look at my cell to see if there were any missed calls but of course I did. Felt like/feel like a big dork. It's so cliche, isn't it? The image of the actor waiting for the phone to ring. Going over everything that I did in my head, which I told myself I wouldn't do. Made me snappish with people I'm usually patient with (or maybe that's my cycle starting and I can blame that on the hormones). Yesterday two of my closest friends asked me what was wrong and I sheepily confessed my anxiety over herbal tea, to which they nodded and said to let it go...I'd done what I could, there's nothing I can do now and the rest is up to God or whoever the hell is up there. Acknowlege that I'm waiting, that I'm anxious, and let it go.

OK. I did my best. Yes.
I'm waiting for the phone to ring. Yes.
I'm anxious. Yes.
I want this badly. Yes. Yes.

Will there be other auditions? Yes. But I want this one.

OK. That's off my chest. Going back to work.
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